I was born without a Uterus

Mayer-Rokitansky-Küster-Hauser syndrome, MRKH, Infertility, Motherhood

Today I broke down and cried. Tears rolled heavily down my face as I tried to shield myself so no one would see the tears falling. I tried my best to hold back the tears as I watched a YouTube video of a mother giving birth to her daughter while her husband stood by her side. It’s funny how moments like these just pop up on me.

When I was 18 years old, my mother being the concerned parent that she is sent me to the doctor to find out why I hadn’t started my period yet. Like most doctors and nurses, they all said I was a late bloomer and of course being 18, I believed them. When I turned 19, my mother became very concerned and so I made another appointment. I remember a few days after getting my physical, I received a phone call from the doctor asking me to come to the office and to bring someone with me. Now that I look back, I realize this was a sign of bad news, but being 19, I called my boyfriend and asked if he could take me.

As I sat in the waiting room, I laughed and played with the kids because I was in my pediatrician’s office. I had the same doctor since birth. I went into his office sat down and he gave me the news. I had  Mayer-Rokitansky-Küster-Hauser (MRKH) syndrome, I was born without a Uterus and I will never have children. I was immediately scheduled for an appointment with my OBGYN, and had days worth of test, poking and probing. Results were in, I needed to have surgery to remove my ovaries, which had developed cancer on them. At 19 years, I cried a little but I was far too young to truly know the effects it would have on the rest of my life.

So, back to today. Today, it hit me and it hit me hard. Seeing a mother look into her child’s eyes as she held her newborn skin to skin, made me feel empty. A few years ago, I was married and preparing our home for adoption. Today, I’m single and wondering if I’ll ever be a mother.

I realize that I’ve never really spoken about this before because I was in denial. I was hoping that there was some mistake at the hospital and one day I would find out that I was carrying my child, but when I was watching the video today, I thought, “Wow, I’m forty years old, single and not sure if motherhood is in my future.”

I wish I could say something positive and uplifting here, but I guess I’m still in an emotional state. I’m grateful for my life and how God has blessed me, but it’s funny how you can feel empty, when you should feel grateful.

I’m sure tomorrow will be a better day and I will be back to old self but tonight, I mourn what could have been.

 

 



12 thoughts on “I was born without a Uterus”

  • I LOVE U G
    U ARE A GOOD PERSON and IM TRULY BLESSED TO HAVE U IN MY LIFE..AS A FRIEND, TEAM PLAYER, and A LITTLE BIG SISTER (U KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT) LOVE U FOR LIFE😍😘

  • I am so very sorry you were depart this blow. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. Even as a single mom the joy of motherhood has been my greatest life reward. One thing I want you to know is you can become a mom in so many ways. I pray you find your path and enjoy it. Thank you for your honesty and transparency.

    • Thank you for your prayers and encouragement. It was a difficult post to write but it was on my heart to share my journey in hopes that it may help someone else.

  • I have to admit that in reading your post, I have so many feelings. Of course, I want to hug you and let you know that I am so sorry. On the other end, I truly appreciate your open honesty. I know that another woman out there is going through this and will so appreciate your openness to talk about it. I can’t imagine how this feels. I’m sure there are days you may not think about it and others that it may truly hurt. All I know is that at this point in my life, I am truly realizing that God allows us to go through things to truly be a light and testimony for others. I pray for your comfort and I can’t wait to see the blessing that God gives you through this.

    • Thank you so much Ashley! Words are not enough to say thank you! You’ve been so so supportive of me throughout my blogging journey and I wish we lived closer so that I could reach out and give you a hug because you always know the right words and the right time to make me feel better. I’m truly grateful for you!

  • The way God works, dont wait for a husband to adopt, with your heart of gold I know there is a baby waiting for you to adopt to give you the fulfillment you long for, and 40 is young! Dont give up hope or your dream of becoming a mother based on a husband! Keep faith ❤️ God is going to answer all your prayers in his time!

    • Thank you! And you’re right, I’m still emotional due to my separation and now having these feelings of motherhood has put me in a place of constantly thinking about my future. But you’re absolutely right, I can still be a mother without a husband. Thank you for the reminder. It was just what I needed!

  • You are so strong. You should never give up hope. There is someone out there for you who will love you. This person will be willing to adopt so that you can have a family. For now have hope. If you want children then volunteer at a foster center and play with kids. Coach a kids team. Be you!

  • Hey, you’re such a beautiful person and you can adopt without being in a relationship. Fill your home with foster children and adopted children and never give up your dream of being a mum! It takes a wonderful person to let someone else’s child into their heart. Huge huge hugs to you whilst you are feeling down. Stay strong, chin up hunny. Xxxxxxx

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