Today, is the official day that the judge says is my last day as a married woman. It’s almost surreal, like I can’t believe this is happening. Although I initiated the divorce it’s still one of the saddest days of my life.
To know that my connection with the man that I thought I would spend my life with is no longer there, feels like my heart is breaking all over again. However, I’m grateful that I went through this process because I learned a lot about myself, my needs and who I am as woman. In order for us to grow and become the person that God needs for us to be, we must go through the storms that form in our lives. If I didn’t learned the important lessons on why my marriage ended than I would have to learn those lessons somehow and the next time maybe even harder.
As I woke up today, officially a single woman, I thought to myself, “now what?” I wasn’t sure what the next step was that I needed to take. That thought made me realize that I was stuck in the past, hoping that my marriage could be saved, now that it’s done…Now What, was the only question I had.
Perhaps, the “Now what”, doesn’t have anything to do with what needs to happen relationship wise, but maybe God is asking, what dream can I make come true for you now. What new goals do you need help conquering? That question of “now what” has opened doors that I never knew existed. New ideas, new opportunities and new possibilities await behind that “Now What”.
As I think about the future, I can’t help but to reminisce about the past. I loved my husband, but I could have been a better wife in so many ways. I love the act of being in love and I love the connection of marriage. However, I have learned that as an individual you need to be prepared to join with someone for a lifetime knowing that it is going to take a commitment and hard-work. If you are not ready, it’s best to let your partner know.
If you’re marriage is on rocky ground, I suggest you find someone to speak with. Whether it’s a counselor or your pastor, find someone that you trust to help you through the rough patch. In a marriage, you signed up for a lifetime, so do everything you can to make your marriage work. If you’ve exhausted all of the resources and you’re still feeling that something is wrong, the final step is to have what I like to call the “come to Jesus” conversation, where you are completely honest with one another. Try to have this conversation when you are not angry, so you both can be truthful about where you stand in the relationship.
Marriage takes work, but it’s worth it if you can find a partner that is willing to communicate. One of my favorite books to give couples is the 5 Love Languages. This book breaks down the different love languages and helps you to communicate with your partner better.
Marriages are not easy and if I can help lower the rate of divorce by sharing my story, than I am grateful. If I gave you a clearer understanding that you’re ready to end your marriage, it makes me sad but if its the right move for you, then I can do nothing but support you. I will forever be an advocate for marriage. for two people to join as one, walk through life together and commit to one another, it simply brings me joy.
In the video below, I’ve explained five lessons I learned from my divorce, which are powerful and encouraging for any person going through a break-up.
From a bad experience you once had, what lesson did you learn?