We often live our lives in fear, not realizing that this fear stems from the past. Our past mistakes and hurts filter their way into our lives. Instead of focusing our energy on the present moment, the past and the future are the measurable options that we look to. In the past few months, I’ve been immersed in my thoughts about my life and how I want to live out the rest of my days. I have all of these dreams and goals that I want to pursue but I’m constantly getting in my own way with fear. Fear of all the past mistakes that could happen again or worried about the future, wondering if these dreams will come true or if I will fail.
After months of thinking about all of these areas of my life and how I will go forward, it’s been revealed to me that I’m so busy worrying about the past mistakes and what could possibly happen in the future that I wasn’t living the in the present moment. But what does living in the present moment really mean. Will I forget the past and not worry about the future? Won’t those feeling always be there? Am I ignoring my problems by focusing on the Now?
I had more questions than before, but I knew that I had to do something different from what I’ve been doing all this time. So, I began to focus on the now. I began by starting my day by reading the bible and I started a prayer journal. The prayer journal has helped me to stay focused in many ways. One way that has truly helped is by having a moment with God in the morning before my day is started. Throughout the day, I would have to refocus my mind to the present moment and to be honest, I’m not there 100% of the time. I constantly forget, especially when I get upset, but I’m getting better. Keeping the thought of staying present has helped me to release anger, sadness, and other emotions that come to me throughout the day.
With each new day, I learn a little more about myself and this process of staying in the present moment. Here are three things that I’ve learned.
- I’m Connected to all things. When I quiet myself and become present, I realized that I am connected to everyone and everything. As I breathe in and out, I can feel the world around me pulsating, I den feel the energy that surrounds me. I can also feel my inner most being within and without, connecting and touching. Instead of just feeling like Jana’e Michelle, I feel my “I Am-ness”.
- Accept What Is. Honoring the present moment includes accepting whatever the moment brings. There is no resistance. I know this can seem hard but when you accept the moment, there is no internal fight. At first, this was very hard for me, especially for those times when I was upset or someone deliberately tried to hurt me or something as simple as a flat tire while it was raining. When I accept the moment, I realized that my hurt or anger, stemmed from the past and the flat tire allowed me to dance in the rain while I waited on the tow truck.
- Joy and Calm wash over me. When I find myself focusing on the present moment, I’m at peace with whatever the moment has presented itself and I’m in a space of joy because I’m honored to just be. The joy I feel can be summed up with three words, “The God Within”, when I can feel and hear God, there is a joy and calm, but this only happens when I’m present and not focused on some future moment or thinking about the past. God is with me and you right now, there is always now and will always be now.
I know that this post will not relate to everyone because there is a process that I went through to get here. From the very first day of my separation from husband, 2 1/2 years ago, this process began and now I’m here. Feeling closer to God and connected to everything. I had to stop looking back at my past. Wishing for something that God released from me in order to grow and get to this point today. For anyone that is currently going though a storm, I can honestly say, it sucks and it’s going to be hard and you will cry or be angry a lot, but if you shift your focus from the past and the future, and you accept the present moment you will see that the present moment doesn’t have problems. The present may have situations that require your attention but when you are wholeheartedly in the moment, those decisions will be made with love and care. Be present and see how God opens up what’s in front of you.
Your Curvy Girl,