I’ve been thinking a lot lately about following my dreams. I even posted on my Facebook page about not being scared to follow what your hearts desires and trusting God to supplies all of your needs. After posting the FB message, I sat in that space all day, thinking and meditating on the words. The message was on my heart and I needed to post it. Not for me, to build the bridge for someone else to cross. But it was for me…
You see, I’ve been in this space of following my heart for a while, but my mind always stops me because as you now the mind thinks about the practical things, bills, job, money. I know that these are areas of importance, but if I’m living my life check to check, working for a company that doesn’t engage and inspire me, what happens when I take my last breath and remember my life? Will I be happy with my choices?
We all have a choice to make and those choices shape where our lives go. If my choice to dream and literally just dream about all the things I want to do, then I’m not living life. I was blessed with discernment, with the ability to choose and make a decision. All my life I’ve worried about finances, even as a kid, seeing my mother, who was a single mom work so hard everyday to provide a good life me. We struggled sometimes, where beans and cornbread was dinner for a few days. As a kid I didn’t think anything of it, it was dinner and my mom made it delicious so I enjoyed it. Now that I’m older, I know that those beans and cornbread days were because our money was low.
My mom worked so hard everyday as a legal secretary, but she
was is a writer. She dreamed of writing for television and movies. We had crates of scripts and books that she had written, floppy disks full with amazing stories, but she sacrificed her dream to ensure that I had a future. I’m grateful for my mother and I thank God everyday for such an amazing woman. Now that I’m older and fully understand, I wish she would have followed her dreams. I’m sure there would have been some struggles, but my mom always made our tough times seem like we had it all, so I know that we would have been okay.
Looking over her dedication to motherhood has me in awe of her strength and love. So, now I sit here, making a choice about my life, my dreams. I don’t have kids, unless you consider my fur babies, Brie and Lucy, who are very much like kids. I’m recently single and I’m not excited about my life. I’m blessed and grateful for this life and this moment, but I’m not excited because I’m not following the dreams and purpose that God has placed on heart. For so long, I drifted through life, drifted through my marriage and drifting is no longer an option.
I know that I’m in a season of change because I feel it so deeply. Everyday I wake up with this heaviness and I carry it with me all day and then I take it to bed. That heaviness are my dreams, my purpose and my goals, begging me to make the choice. Well, this is my declaration.
I will chase my dreams, purpose and goals with blind ambition. I will build bridges for others to chase their goals. I will give every ounce of me to this process, not ceasing when things don’t go my way but leaning into the understanding and lessons. I will document this journey with video and blog posts. I will cry, I will laugh, I will go to God with everything and I will not give up or give in.
I know that this journey will not be easy because writing this, I’m scared. I’m afraid that I’ll fail. I’m afraid that I’ll be laughed at or that a year from now, I’ll be broke and homeless. But I will not allow this fear to stop me. Doubt will creep in and my ego will get in the way, but my mind is stronger than doubt and ego.
Today, I take a big leap of faith to build a life filled with purpose, love, success, adventure and conquered dreams. Where my spiritual relationship with God guides me, strengthens me, removes fear and doubt and grows me in ways I could never imagine. Today, October 19, 2016, is the first day of the rest of my life.
When was that pivotal moment that you knew that you had to follow your heart? Did you follow it and how has it changed your life?