Why is making a change so hard? I’ve often found myself promising to change bad habits, to change my lifestyle, to become a better person, however, I seem to always end up doing the same thing and being the same person. Why is change so hard?
I’ve asked God to change me so many times knowing that only He can give me the strength but it is me and my decisions that make the changes happen. Am I alone? Am I the only one that feels like this? It seems so lonely because it’s always me and that little voice in my head. No, I’m not crazy. It’s the voice we all have, the one that pushes us forward or tells us to sit the hell down. The voice that tells me every day to free myself but for some reason, I don’t have the courage.
I wish I had some advice to give you today, but I’m still working out how to navigate this thing called life. The one thing I know for sure is that I have to forgive. I need to forgive myself. I’ve been beating myself up for all the mistakes I’ve made since I was a child and the lack of change during my adulthood. I’ve been talking down to myself, constantly saying that I’m not enough, I’m not worthy, I’m not pretty and I will always be alone. Forgiveness seems so easy when I forgive others, but it’s so hard to forgive me and love me.
I no longer want to punish myself and stay on this constant emotional rollercoaster. My life is a blessing and the world is open to me. All I have to do is start making the decisions that I know need to be made in order for me to free myself. To be free to love me completely and without reservation. To love my body, mind, and spirit. To love me enough to know that God loves completely and whole. You see, because I’ve felt shame and guilt all of these years, I felt that God couldn’t love me. I made so many mistakes, how could he love me the way I’ve seen him love others.
His love has always been there even in my darkest hour. In those moments when I didn’t know if I was going to make it through, or when the pain felt so unbearable that I thought my heart would stop, or when I cried all night long in hopes that my world would be different in the morning. My God was there and carried me through.
Today, was just like any other day, but I woke up a little more aware of what God was asking me to do. Yes, I still had moments of doubt and didn’t get started right away or make the right decisions immediately, but the pull of my dream kept nudging me. Today is different because I can finally feel the strength that I have to make changes in my life, I can feel God holding me up when all I want to do is fall and this feeling has opened my heart to my dreams and goals. Joy cometh in the morning…
If your heart is filled with something, whether it is to change, follow a dream, complete a goal, I’m encouraging you to go and do it right now. There are a lot of dreams that end up in the graveyard because someone didn’t have the courage to go after it. Don’t let that be you because I don’t plan to let that be me.
Follow your heart…<3 <3<3
What Dream have you been afraid to follow?
Your Curvy Girl,
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